That first day of summer feeling

When I was teaching in Chicago Public Schools, I was lucky enough to be living with one of my closest life-long friends who was also a teacher with CPS. We worked at different schools but we both taught a specials class (I taught music and she taught art) in K-6 schools. It was amazing to have someone else be able to relate to all the ins and outs of teaching. Plus, we had the same vacation schedules and were able to plan a variety of adventures together.

One tradition we started was to make a beach day out of the first day of summer break. Since most of our other friends still had to work, we planned to leave the city early in the morning and drive out to the Indiana Dunes for a beach day. Not as rejuvenating as a true east coast beach day on the ocean would be, but it was good enough. We packed a lunch, brought books, and sang along to whatever musical soundtrack was our favorite at the time. It really was the best feeling to know that we had true freedom that day. That was the moment that we had our whole summer break ahead of us and we didn’t have to remotely think about going back to work yet.

We were able to have this tradition three summers in row - the three that I worked at CPS. The first year I remember being grateful for the break. Out of all my years of being in a teaching role, this was the only summer I think that I didn’t plan my exit from teaching. I enjoyed the school I was at, the role of being the music teacher, and I was still in the mindset that I would grow to love it. But when the school year rolled around again, I noticed that I was not actually looking forward to returning. This thought made me feel a little bit lazy (like, girl, you just had the whole summer off when your other friends didn’t - suck it up) and I figured it was just that I had enjoyed the time off too much.

The second year we did our beach trip, I remember talking with her about the exhaustion that I was feeling. She was feeling it too. We actually both questioned our roles as teachers and both were feeling like there was something else out there for us to do. That was the summer that she went to Mexico to do some work with an adoption agency for several months - fulfilling a life long dream of hers to do this. I taught summer school that year. I felt like I had to in order to supplement my income. Plus, it was only for 4 hours a day and 4 weeks of the summer. I also thought maybe with a smaller gap between being at the school, I would feel less dread in going back.

That is not how it turned out at all! I felt even more trepidation about returning to school and began to spiral.

If I didn’t teach what would I do?

I have a degree in education and my work experience is all working with kids so who will hire me?

I don’t think I’m qualified to get a graduate degree in anything BUT education so now what?

That fall when I went back to work, I felt that it just wasn’t right anymore. That was the year that I began to meet with a therapist (who was also a former teacher). I also began to research graduate programs that were not in the education field but were in the psychology field. I started to notice the areas of teaching that I really connected with (building connections with the kids and building their confidence with behavioral interventions). And I began to consider what life could look like if I wasn’t teaching anymore. And it felt like freedom.

When we took our annual beach day after that third CPS year, I had resigned and had a plan for myself. I was terrified of what would come next because it was going to be all new. But I also felt a new kind of first day of summer freedom. Because it would be the last time I would start the summer by leaving the classroom. I never had to go back! That first day of summer feeling would continue and I didn’t have to think about a fall return. That last beach day with my friend felt more like a beginning rather than the end of a tradition.

Over the years, I have returned to the school setting. But never again as a classroom teacher. I knew that I was pursuing the right career that fit my values, my strengths, and my goals. Now, I don’t need this type of start of summer tradition. I feel that freedom from the classroom every day.